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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?